Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Weekly Weigh-in #21

Once again - brought to you on Tuesday, because that's when I have more time to myself. So, I might just change my weekly weigh-in to Tuesdays! Stay tuned!

Beginning weight: 279 lbs
Last weigh in: 253.7 lbs
This week: 253.3 lbs

That's a 0.4 loss, and again, I'm ok with that, because I didn't put out the effort for anything else.
I am totally in a rut with my eating and exercise!
I've been out for brisk walks a few times this past week, but other than my exercise class, I haven't gotten any more in.

About my exercise class... In October we had our last class with Christel. She was wonderful and always had something new for us. Some days were intense cardio, other days were stability balls, weights or bands. Lots of different muscles to be used (or abused!)
Now that she's moved, Sybille has taken over the class since  the end of February. These last two Mondays (which are the only days I can go) she has done Pilates with us.
Pilates people, please forgive me, but I just don't like this type of exercise. I don't mind doing them once in a while, but I didn't sign up for Pilates. I signed up for a cardio work-out.
And it's not that I find them boring (though I do), but there are certain exercises I can't do because of knee and tailbone issues I have. Since she does so many reps,  I do maybe 8 and then wait or I find some alternative exercise I can do. But I just don't feel very good about the whole thing and I just about walked out halfway through  yesterday. I NEVER do that - and I didn't! But I did talk to her afterwards and asked if Mondays was going to be Pilates night. Well, yes it is, so I told her I was going to have to quit. I explained my back and knee issues to her and she asked me to try to come on Wednesdays, because she doesn't want to go back and forth on her plan. I totally understand, and told her not to change on my account, but I was dissappointed.
So, I either make it possible to go on Wednesdays or I quit. I'm really not dependant on this class. I have gained weight going to a weekly gym class, and I have lost weight while not going. And I think sometimes I go because as long as I make an effort once a week, the rest of the week it's not so tragic if I don't do my exercises, because I will get them in on Monday. So if I quit, I still have no excuses!
So that was my little rant, and I still don't know what to do...

Otherwise I've had a great weekend. My BFF came in from the city on Friday (7 hour bus ride), and then Saturday we headed out to our mutual friends ranch (3 hour drive) and spent the weekend there. It was fun! We had some good visits!
BFF is single and our friends at the ranch have 11 children! The oldest is out of the nest though and will be getting married this June. And since everyone will be going to the States (BFF on furlough - she is a missionary and the others for the wedding and other commitments there), I will not see them for quite some time. Last chance visit!

So, today is my "sacred at-home day!" I've taken my youngest to a playgroup and get to spend 2 1/2 hours all by myself! It's wonderful and I'm off to enjoy it!

Hugs to all,

Monday, March 21, 2011

weekly weigh in

I don't even feel like writing anything this evening.
I feel pretty discouraged and dissappointed in myself.
I had been tracking my food again... and then I didn't.
I was exercising regularly (still am) but when I went for a run on Sunday, I felt like I needed to start the C25K from the beginning (I decided to do week 3 instead and made it)
So I don't feel like writing this post, especially because it's a weigh in, but I will!
It's the ones who quit that fail, right?
I'm not quitting, though it feels like a battle inside of me.
I will not give up. Someday I'll find my groove, and it'll work for me again.

Beginning weight: 279 lbs
Last weigh in: 253.7 lbs
This week: 253.7 lbs

Staying at this weight is MUCH better than a gain. And it's probably more than I deserve.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A Monday Post on Tuesday!

Good Morning!
Well, it's not Monday anymore!!! My Internet connection was so incredably slow yesterday...
But, I weighed yesterday AND this morning and the numbers were the same, and slightly different than last week!
Wish it were more, though...

Beginning weight:      279 lbs
Last week's weight:  253.9 lbs
Today's weight:        253.7 lbs

Yup, 0.2 lbs lost - quite unremarkable!
This past week I did see a 251.5 and I also saw a 256.3! The only thing I can think happened is the barbeque we had the night before the 256. I was so shocked and even a little scared!
For one day I had jumped back into morbid obesity and I hated it!

This past week I've been quite active though and was excited to see the "activity marks" on my calendar.
Monday - 45 minute workout with a fitness instructor (group setting)
Tuesday - I ached!!! But I went for a brisk 20 minute walk
Wednesday - Leslie Sansone "The  Big Burn" Workout, 30 minutes
Thursday - Level 1 Day 1 of ... Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred
Friday - rest
Saturday - Level 1 Day 2 of the 30 Day Shred
Sunday- a few walks... about 50 minutes total

There's an 8k being held at the end of April. It's in a town a few km from where I live. My sister and I were thinking of entering, but since there is no option for just doing the 5k, we've pretty much decided not to.
BUT... I think we are going to have a Sisters 5k in August! What do you think girls??? All get together, not just for movie nights and taquitos, but to do something we never imagined doing together. And maybe we could even see if there are more that would like to do this unofficial fun run! It's worth thinking about (and planning and training for).

Losing weight is hard, being obese is hard.
Gonna choose my hard!


Monday, March 7, 2011

A Little Bit About Myself and Monday Weigh In

First for the weigh in...
I could blame TOM again, but I'm gonna take the blame this time... I just haven't been eating well lately, the other night I tried to think back to remember if I'd had any fruit or veggies that day. None!
This afternoon I went shopping and my cart was brimming with good food to eat!
I will do better!
Beginning weight:      279 lbs
Last week's weight:  251.9 lbs
Today's weight:        253.9 lbs

Aaaaggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! 2 lbs gain!
Hate it, but I think that gave me the wake up call I needed this morning!
I went to gym class tonight and my thighs are killing me! Tomorrow will be a rest day, but Wednesday, I will do one of my exercise dvd's or go for a run.

I had prepared this next part of my post last week but didn't finish it, so I decided to save it and publish it today.

Here goes...

Four years ago our youngest son was born. By the time he turned 2, I knew he’d be more challenging to discipline than our other three kids! And I was right!

But lately he has been such a fun little guy! He told my mom at the dinner table that she  should have a beer…  “so that you won’t die”  I wondered if he had ever heard anyone say…”One beer won’t kill you.”
But that’s not what I wanted to talk about!
When my husband and I first got married, he was in University, studying to be a Vet. I was 24 and he was 25. We were far from home, and I couldn’t get a regular job (political stuff here in my country). I taught English as a Second Language, I sold baked goods, I watched a lot of TV, I volunteered in church and I longed for a child.
I weighed about 190lbs at the time.
After about 4 years (and 2 of those trying to get pregnant) we saw a specialist, and to make a long story short, I got pregnant after 2 months on fertility medication. I was so happy! And I could hardly believe it!  Well, after being on cloud nine for 6 weeks, my bubble burst. I miscarried. Again, I could hardly believe it.
My husband and I always wanted a big family. At least 4 – 6 children! At least! But I felt as though God was punishing me. Why would he get my hopes up so high only to dash them down again? I really couldn’t understand.
One day as my husband and I were talking, I finally came to the point where I could say to him. “God has blessed me with you. If that is as big as our family will ever get, it is enough.”
Please don‘t think I was never bitter or hopeful again, but I had to tell myself this every day. I had to walk through this struggle to find a certain peace about what God was doing in our lives.
Well, my husband finished Vet school by now and we moved back home only days after my miscarriage.
I went back on some meds and eventually got pregnant again. This time there was not so much excitement on my part but rather fear. I was so scared that I would lose my baby again.
Nine months later (and 10 days overdue) our first daughter, Nicole,  was born via C-section. Light of my life! Still is – 10 and a half years later.
When Nicole turned 1, I was 4 weeks pregnant with our second daughter. Tonight,  I went to a parent teacher meeting at her school. The picture Raquel drew for me to take home after the meeting said it all! She drew a little girl and the little girls T-shirt said “Drama Queen!”
Almost 3 years later Esteban (Stevie) joined us. He is such a charmer. He won’t give me a kiss good-bye in front of his friends at school, but he’ll cuddle in my lap when I wake him in the morning. And he does not mind giving or getting a kiss when no one is looking!
Yesterday we celebrated Josephs 4th birthday! He was born 2 years after Stevie.
Our first three were born via scheduled C-section. Joseph was scheduled for a C-section but I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia so they did an emergency C-section 4 days earlier.
I weighed 262lbs at the peak of my pregnancy with him! And then steadily gained more til I hit 279lbs.
Between our first and last child I kept telling myself, I’ll lose weight after we have our last baby. At least then I won’t gain anymore  due to pregnancies.
I did not realize that I was making my pregnancies, and my life,  much harder for myself, being as heavy as I was. Denial? Yeah, probably that too.  I did not know that I even put my son’s life in danger when I developed high blood pressure a few days before he was born, probably also as a result of my obesity.
Today I weigh 252 lbs.
I do not want to be this weight any longer. My excuses have expired! My kids have all been born. Now I need to be healthy for them – for me.
No more excuses!